


Don't Break My Chocolate Heart

by Meicdon13



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-09
Updated: 2008-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-11 18:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meicdon13/pseuds/Meicdon13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leave it to the monkey to relate everything to food. But sometimes, life and love aren't that easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Break My Chocolate Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song _Tsokolate_ by Parokya ni Edgar.

“Hey, Gojyo! What’s up?”

The kappa looked at the itan, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched. He felt like crap while the kid—who was now not really a kid anymore, when had _that_ happened?—looked like a million bucks. Damn him. “Can’t you see I’m practically _freezing_ here, monkey? You could at least let me in before you start questioning me.”

“You’re still the same prissy cockroach,” Goku complained but he still stepped to one side, making room for the redhead to come inside. The moment Gojyo was comfortably seated on a chair, Goku asked, “What’re you doing here anyways?” The gold-eyed brunet plopped down on the bed.

 _It’s late. Hakkai’s probably waiting up for ya, stupid._ Unspoken words. Gojyo could still hear them though. Could practically _taste_ them. He gave a noncommittal shrug and looked around the bedroom Sanzo and Goku shared. It _was_ late and he had had a hard time getting into the temple at this hour. He was lucky enough that Sanzo seemed to be gone; he would’ve shot the redhead on sight for ruining his beauty sleep.

Goku stifled a yawn. “They sent Sanzo on some job. He’ll be back in a few days. So…what’re you doing here?”

 _I don’t know._ The redhead pressed his lips together. He didn’t want to say that. “Just felt like visiting, I guess.”

The itan snorted. He shifted around on the bed until he was sitting in the lotus position, hugging a pillow against his chest. It made him look younger, the way he had looked all those years ago, and Gojyo had to squash down a small smile.

They just sat there in silence; Gojyo looking anywhere but at the monkey and Goku focused on the kappa, waiting. “Things…haven’t been going that well between ‘Kai and me,” the redhead admitted after a while. Damn, how he hated the quiet. Made him uncomfortable.

“You’re still going out?” _Looking for women?_ “Even after what happened last time?”

“Some habits are hard to break.” Gojyo smiled crookedly. It felt fake, even to him. He could see the disapproval in Goku’s eyes. He didn’t need it. He knew it was unfair to Hakkai. He knew that and yet he kept doing it. As long as nothing ever happened—what was one kiss with a woman anyway?—there wasn’t anything wrong with it.

And who was Goku to judge him anyway? Five hundred years alone in that damn cave had starved him of love and affection and wasn’t he leeching it off of Sanzo right now? Gojyo’d been deprived of a mother’s love. Hakkai was no woman by any stretch of the imagination. He _needed_ this.

“You’re being stupid, cockroach,” the brunet said.

“How’s that?” _You know nothing, nothing, nothing—_

Goku paused, burying his chin into his pillow as if he was thinking hard about what to say next. He looked up with a smile and said, “What you’ve got with Hakkai is like chocolate, you know?”

…Leave it to the monkey to relate everything to food.

His skepticism must have been evident on his face because the itan immediately frowned at him. “Listen before you start telling me I’m stupid! Anyway…when chocolate’s melted, it’s pretty impossible to put it back into the shape it was before. You can’t fix it.”

 _What do I have with ‘Kai that’s like chocolate?_ he wanted to ask. He didn’t. The redhead just sat there and didn’t look at Goku while he listened to the monkey.

“And once you run out of it, you never really expected to. One moment you’re eating and then, poof! No more chocolates. And you know how you sometimes get those stains on your teeth? They’re actually hard to get rid off.” The itan grinned, hair the color of the chocolate he was talking about falling into his eyes.

“And your point is?” Gojyo asked. _What do I have with ‘Kai that’s like chocolate?_

 _Trust, stupid cockroach._ The answer popped into his head as if Goku had communicated telepathically with him. Sanzo was probably teaching him some freaky magic or something. Or maybe his smart side just sounded like the monkey.

…That was a scary thought. Gojyo shuddered and Goku misunderstood it.

“Feeling cold, ‘roach? The bed’s big enough for both of us. Unless you wanna go trekking home and freeze your antennae off.”

“I didn’t know you cared,” the redhead teased. He toed off his boots and walked over to where Goku was already crawling under the sheets.

“Haha. Just don’t grope me or something.”

They ended up with Gojyo spooning Goku, the brunet’s hand held in the one the redhead had curled up near his heart.

_Go say sorry to Hakkai tomorrow._

* * *

“I spent the night at Goku’s place,” Gojyo said, scratching the back of his neck.

“Gojyo, we settled down here so we could be near Sanzo and Goku. Don’t tell me you want to move into the temple with them,” Hakkai said. He was laughing, and that was great, but there was something in his eyes that made the redhead feel like a piece of shit.

Nowadays he felt like that more and more when he was with Hakkai.

He grinned sheepishly and stepped into their house, closing the door behind him. The apology was there, in his mouth, and all he had to do was say it. He _wanted_ to say it too.

_I’m sorry._

Two words. Three syllables. Seven letters. For some reason, he couldn’t. Gojyo watched Hakkai finish making breakfast and he couldn’t say sorry for flirting with yet another woman, for spending the night somewhere else, for worrying him.

For not giving him the treatment he deserved.

Instead, he sat down at the table, buried his face in his arms, and thanked the green-eyed man when he placed a mug of hot chocolate in front of him.

* * *

“You _didn’t_ say sorry to him?”

“Look,” Gojyo panted. “I came here to spar. Not to talk about my love life with you.”

Goku glared at him and Nyoi-bou blinked out of existence. The brunet sat down on the grass, crossing his arms as he did. “Stupid cockroach. Why d’you have to go chase after girls anyway? I thought you loved Hakkai!”

“Of course I do!”

“Then why d’you chase after girls all the time? What about that?”

“You wouldn’t understand, you stupid monkey!”

The brunet stood up, hands balling into fists. “Stop calling me that!”

“Make me!”

The punch that made contact with Gojyo’s cheek made him fall flat on his ass. The force behind the attack instantly numbed the left side of his face and for a moment, bright pinpoints of light danced in his eyes.

 _Stupid monkey_ , was his last thought before he completely blacked out.

When he woke up, it was to the feeling of something cold and wet pressing against his swelling cheek. Gojyo opened a bleary red eye and saw Goku sitting beside him. They were in the temple again, in the brunet’s bedroom.

“Hey, ‘roach, you’re awake,” the itan said, a slightly apologetic smile on his face. “Sorry for hitting you that hard.”

The snappy comeback Gojyo wanted to say died on his lips as a fresh throb of pain spread out from what was sure to be a giant bruise on his face. If Hakkai saw him, he’d probably nurse the redhead back to health just so he could kill him for getting into this mess. He moaned in pain and closed his eye again.

“I hate you,” he mumbled half-heartedly, wincing as the wet towel was once again placed on his cheek. Cold water dripped down the side of his neck and the redhead reached up and brushed the moisture away.

“I said I was sorry,” the brunet huffed. “‘Sides, you were asking for it.” He paused. “Hakkai’ll kill you if he sees you like this.”

“I know,” Gojyo snapped.

“Wanna stay overnight again? I think your face’ll be okay by tomorrow.” The brunet paused. “Or as okay as it’ll ever be. Anyone ever tell you that you look like shit?”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re full of crap?”

“Only you and Sanzo.”

* * *

“There’s a perfectly good bed here, Gojyo, for you to sleep in,” Hakkai said evenly. “Or is it the company that’s not to your taste?”

“It’s not that, ‘Kai—”

“Then what’s wrong? You seem to be spending a lot of nights avoiding coming home.” The green-eyed man was cutting up vegetables and the knife seemed to whack against the chopping board with unnecessary force. “If it’s not the bed or the company, then what is it?”

Gojyo _really_ wanted to answer, to make things right between him and his lover. _I’m sorry, ‘Kai, you’re right. I’m an ass. Please forgive me?_ He stood there, leaning against the wall, watching the healer make dinner. The redhead shuffled his feet uncomfortably, feeling small and stupid.

“Am I even _talking_ to anyone?” the brunet snapped, not bothering to turn around and look at the kappa. “I should be used to this, I suppose. You’re barely around anymore these days.” He dumped the vegetables into a pot and started on the meat.

“Oi! That’s not true!” The redhead pushed off against the wall, standing straight and glaring at the back of Hakkai’s head. “I’m here most of the day!”

“Oh really? Funny, I don’t remember having a conversation with anyone in this house for the longest time. _And_ , these past few days you _haven’t_ been around most of the day. Hakuryuu’s been the only living thing I’ve seen recently. Then you come home with injuries—” the slightly smaller bruise on Gojyo’s cheek throbbed as if to illustrate the brunet’s point “—and expect me to heal you like nothing’s wrong. Fool that I am, I patch you up anyway.”

The healer still had his back to him. It was beginning to tick Gojyo off. Fighting with someone was okay. Fighting face-to-face with someone was something that the kappa could handle. Not this. He didn’t like not seeing what look was going across Hakkai’s face. Not seeing if he looked hurt or angry or both.

“Dammit, turn around, will you?” Gojyo grabbed Hakkai by the shoulder and spun him around.

The knife Hakkai was still holding sliced open his right side.

“Shit!” The redhead clapped a hand against the wound, blood staining the material of his shirt and his fingers.

Tossing the knife on the counter, Hakkai grabbed the redhead’s wrist and pried his hand away. “Gojyo, let me see it!” The familiar green glow appeared and the kappa could feel the skin stitching itself back together. It was uncomfortable at best and he seldom had the chance to actually _feel_ it since he was usually unconscious when being healed.

The brunet pulled up Gojyo’s shirt, inspecting the newly healed skin. It was pinker than the rest of the kappa’s body but other than that, it was fine. He pulled back and let go of Gojyo and ended up staring at the blood on his hands.

“Hakkai—” The redhead reached out for the brunet, tried to pull him into an embrace. Hakkai resisted. He walked out of the kitchen and Gojyo could hear his shoes as the healer made his way across the living room.

There was the sound of the front door closing before the squeal of Hakuryuu’s tires against the dirt road reached Gojyo’s ears.

* * *

Goku stood in the middle of Gojyo and Hakkai’s living room, eyes wide with disbelief. The kappa was on the couch, face in his hands and elbows on his knees, refusing to meet the golden eyes that were aimed at him. He felt like he had a hangover. He felt like throwing up. He felt like an idiot.

“Yes, he fucking left! Can you just _shut up_ for a moment?”

The redhead glanced up at the itan to emphasize his words. Goku looked a lot tenser, a lot more fidgety. Sanzo had yet to come back from whatever mission the Sanbutsushin had saddled him with. Blondie’s absence was obviously affecting the monkey negatively.

“Will you stop treating me like a kid?” Goku asked angrily. When Gojyo didn’t answer him, he went on, the volume of his voice rising. “I s’pose you can’t do that, can you? The same way you can’t treat Hakkai right! The same way you keep hurting him!”

“Shut up!”

“You keep on chasing after those girls when Hakkai’s right here and probably worried sick—”

“ _Shut up!_ ”

“ _But you don’t care, do you? You fu—_ ”

The shakujo was a weapon that needed to be wielded with great concentration. Concentration that was beyond Gojyo’s capabilities at that moment as he swung his other fist at Goku, wanting to shut the damn monkey up, wanting to make the words stop. The accusations. The truths.

Goku evaded a kick and aimed one of his own at Gojyo. The kappa blocked it. It was as if they were sparring, only the intent to draw blood was stronger and there was no fun, no laughter, no jokes, no jeering. Only anger.

 _There!_ Gojyo saw an opening and took it, pinning Goku to the floor using his entire body. Before the itan could throw him off, he bent down and kissed him hard.

It was all teeth and tongue, hardly any lips, and there was blood in Gojyo’s mouth though he couldn’t say whose it was. Hands ripped open clothes and it seemed like they were still fighting. They moved against one another desperately, mouths still kissing— _fighting_ —until Goku pulled back and gasped, his breath hitching as he came. Gojyo followed soon after, hands gripping the fabric of Goku’s shirt tightly.

An awkward silence was what Gojyo expected. He didn’t really expect Goku to laugh and say, “We’re both fucked up.” Didn’t expect the bitter tone in the brunet’s voice. He supposed that he would sound the same if he spoke.

* * *

It was only two days later when Sanzo came back from wherever he’d been. Goku was standing at the gates of Keiun, a wide happy grin on his face as they watched the little dot that was the monk grow bigger as he neared the temple.

Gojyo thought that there was something a bit off with the smile. It looked anxious. The redhead remembered the mental link that blondie and monkey had going on. He wanted to summon shakujo and kill himself before Sanzo could. Did that link work long-distance? Goku could never keep anything from Sanzo. Could he keep what had happened on the living room floor a secret?

The moment the redhead saw Sanzo’s face, he knew that he knew.

He waited for the gunshots and the shouts. This time, blondie wouldn’t miss; the bullet would go straight into his heart and kill him. Not unlike the time with Chin Yi Sou’s doll and that damn seed.

The kappa’s entire body was tensed up, ready to evade an attack if Sanzo made the slightest threatening move. Gojyo didn’t expect the monk to just walk past him and the monkey.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the way Sanzo’s lips were pressed tightly together, saw the coldness and emptiness in those purple eyes of his. He saw Goku’s eyes go bigger and the worry leak into them.

They listened to Sanzo’s footsteps disappearing deeper into the temple. Goku began shaking, hands fisted at his sides. He was obviously trying not to cry. Gojyo moved closer and placed a hand on top of the brunet’s head. “Want me to talk to him?” Sure, Sanzo’d probably shoot him on sight, but it was his fault that any of that crap happened in the first place.

‘Sides, truth be told, he liked the monkey. Not in _that_ way. But still…he didn’t like seeing Goku cry. He felt like someone who’d failed his little brother. He knew someone like that and he didn’t want to end up the way _he’d_ gone.

“Nah. I’ll go.” It was depressing how soft Goku’s voice was, so opposite from what the redhead was used to hearing. He watched the itan walk inside the temple and decided to go home.

As he walked, he thought about that one night barely a week ago. That one night when Goku had told him that trust was like chocolate and that Gojyo had that with Hakkai. _Had_. Not anymore. _Now the monk and the monkey don’t have it too._ He kicked a rock in the middle of the road.

Though it was in the middle of the afternoon and the streets were filled with people, Gojyo felt alone as he made his way back to the house that he and Hakkai had bought. He saw the tire treads on the driveway from where Hakuryuu had peeled out of the place. He avoided stepping on the tracks.

“Kyuu!”

A sudden weight on his shoulder startled Gojyo before he realized that it was actually the little white dragon. Hakuryuu made another one of his sounds before settling down more comfortably on the kappa’s shoulder, his tail draping across to the other side.

“Hey, little guy,” Gojyo said. This probably meant Hakkai was back. The redhead watched the front door in silence, thinking about whether he wanted to retreat or not. The decision was taken out of his hands when the green-eyed youth opened the door and stepped out, bags in both hands. Probably filled with clothes.

“Gojyo,” he said, nodding once, curtly, when he saw the redhead. The healer looked at Hakuryuu and the dragon instantly left his perch on the kappa’s shoulder to turn into a jeep. Hakkai placed the bags into the backseat, eyes not meeting Gojyo’s.

The fact that he was leaving only struck the redhead when Hakkai climbed inside the dragon turned jeep.

He moved forward, hand grabbing the brunet’s upper arm. “‘Kai, wait—”

“That’s the problem,” Hakkai said calmly, emerald eyes still not meeting ruby ones. “I’ve been waiting for you for too many times. Nights spent waiting for you to come home. Waiting for you to stumble through the front door, drunk and smelling of cheap perfume.” He sighed.

“Look, man…” he trailed off, not knowing what to say. Gojyo tightened his hold on Hakkai, his head bowed, red hair falling in a curtain around his face.

Hakkai’s slender hand was on his all of a sudden and it was removing the death grip he had on the green material of the healer’s shirt. “I saw Sanzo on my way back into town. I gave him a lift and he told me some things.” So Hakkai knew too.

An awkward silence followed. Gojyo hated it. As Hakkai started up the engine, he said, “I’ll be moving to the house across town. The one we didn’t buy. You’re welcome to visit.”

Ever the gentleman with the false smile and the politeness. But this time, the smile was small but real and the offer was sincere if not tainted with what sounded like sadness. “Yeah…thanks…” He’d be welcome but he’d feel too much like shit to go there.

Hakkai drove off.


End file.
